He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I understand Curling. That high.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
