so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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