Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
