HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
