Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
