I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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