hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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