I can tuck mytits in my pants
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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