My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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