I just saw a hot homeless man
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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