I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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