great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
