That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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