Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
we should paint friendship bongs
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