quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
