You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
