I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
