Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
