I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
