Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
