i love accidental penises.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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