Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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