9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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