everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
