i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
