Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
