Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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