She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
