i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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