Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
