I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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