Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
