i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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