why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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