When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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