I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
