I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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