I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
