dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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