Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he thought i was a dude.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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