I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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