He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
