party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
