I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
