So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think your dad took our porno
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
