My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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