im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
