I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
