Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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