**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
