How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
