i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
