once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
