omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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