Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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