I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
