Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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