You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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